


Dad did NOT send me to the moon

by CharryWotter



Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, DaD sEnT mE tO tHe MoOn, Luther does not like Dave rip, Luther goes to Vietnam instead of Klaus, Luther has issues, OR IS IT, Sad Luther Hargreeves, Time Travel Fix-It, no beta we die like ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23830894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharryWotter/pseuds/CharryWotter
Summary: When Luther is kidnapped instead of Klaus, and ends up in Vietnam in 1968, he realizes he has the chance to prevent the moon landing and stop Reginald from sending him to the moon for four years! It's finally his chance to go on a mission and prove that he's still worth something!So why did Klaus have to come, too?Featuring lowkey Klaus/Dave, misunderstandings, mooses, and lots of crack
Relationships: Dave/Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Luther Hargreeves
Comments: 9
Kudos: 52





	Dad did NOT send me to the moon

When Luther opened his eyes, he couldn’t stifle the animalistic groan that slipped out of his lips. He was apparently tied to a chair in some motel room with rope that his super strength could easily rip, but he took a moment to sit there and think back.

What the hell had happened?

He remembered going up to his father’s study and finding out that the last four years of his life had been an entire lie. Then, understandably, he got really drunk. Luther was good at many coping methods like that. The last thing Luther could remember before passing out was the sound of gunshots and fighting. Huh. He must have gotten kidnapped after the house was shot up.

The kidnappers were nowhere to be seen, though. 

Blinking, Luther took deep breaths to calm the aching in his head from his hangover, but it did nothing to help the aching of his heart from his father’s betrayal.

Sad once again, Luther ripped through the ropes and was stumbling over to the motel door, when a stray screw on the floor caught his eye. A mission! Luther perked up, but the thought made him even sadder, remembering the mission he’d thought he had on the moon.

Still, Luther decided to open the vent and just peek inside. Maybe he’d find some way to be useful again. After all, what kind of leader gets drunk and kidnapped? That was supposed to be the role for someone insignificant, like Klaus. 

A briefcase full of secrets sat in the vent, begging to be opened. It was Luther’s lucky day--besides having found out about the whole moon thing and getting drunk and kidnapped. 

Who’s sitting up on the moon uselessly now, Luther thought triumphantly to himself, before admitting that no one else actually was on the moon, except his plant, which he’d forgotten up there. Leaders don’t cry, but the thought of Mr. Plant all alone on the moon made Luther come pretty close.

Fighting his sadness, Luther ripped open the briefcase, and disappeared in a blaze of blue light.

…

He landed in the middle of a war. Go figure.

After a hectic battle that left Luther with a uniform, a gun, and an even bigger headache, he found himself on a bus with other soldiers, briefcase planted firmly on his lap.

“Hey,” said a soldier sitting near him, smiling. “You just get in country?”

“Yes,” Luther responded gruffly, staring at the man with distrustful eyes.

“Shit’s crazy, I know,” the guy said, as though Luther hadn’t been up on the moon for four years for no reason. “You’ll adjust.”

“I don’t think I need to adjust. I’m very well adjusted,” Luther protested, and the soldier blinked, smile fading.

“Well, I’m Dave,” the soldier introduced. His face was round like the moon.

There was a pause.

“Uh, Luther,” Luther said. He didn’t like the way this conversation was going. Luther was the one in charge, and the task of welcoming new people was his, not this random guy’s. He glared.

Dave attempted another smile, not saying anything more. Luther had the brief thought that if Dave was a woman (because Klaus was obviously straight; Luther is Number One, he’d know), he’d be a perfect wife for Klaus. 

“What year is it?” Luther asked abruptly, causing several heads to turn.

“1968,” a random soldier responded with a chuckle. “Long night?”

Suddenly, Luther knew why he’d been put on this bumpy bus in the middle of a war. It wasn’t because he was destined to be the best soldier ever, even though he was. It was really because God was giving Luther a second chance, and he was going to be able to make everything right.

“Nobody has landed on the moon yet!” Luther crowed, clapping, and his enthusiasm was so great that the soldiers laughed and clapped with him, whistling and hollering. 

Luther was going to prevent the moon landing.

….

After the mess of a first day, the soldier Dave had steered clear of Luther, but he’d fallen in with a group of cooler and tougher guys in the unit, and everything was going well.

The battles were intense and exhilarating, filling the hole that had been inside of Luther since he’d stopped going on missions. It also gave him a great chance to show off his leadership skills, and to physically intimidate soldiers who didn’t listen to him.

There was only one thing that Luther missed from the future, and that was his siblings. Ha! That was a joke. He was better off without them.

No, Luther actually missed his ability to complain to people about having been on the moon for four years. Now, whenever he tried it, the discussions went a little like this:

“Hargreeves! What’s got you so down, big guy?” asked his buddy Tracey, strolling over with Cartwright and Delaney to where Luther was moping and glaring at the moon.

“I’ve had a pretty tough time,” Luther gruffly responded, the perfect mixture of manly and mysterious that would bring him attention and sympathy.

Cartwright wrinkled his nose. “Why the fuck are you glaring at the moon?”

“That’s really weird, Hargreeves,” Delaney added.

Luther blushed and waved away their concern. “My dad sent me to the moo--” he started to complain, then clapped a hand over his mouth as he realized the year.

“Sorry, what was that?” Tracey asked, raising an eyebrow.

“My dad--uh--sent me to the mooses for four years. Yeah, the uh, mooses, a whole herd of them,” Luther responded, proud of his quick thinking, but worried that the guys would pry.

“Whatever, man,” Delaney said, and the trio walked away.

As they receded, Luther heard Cartwright mutter, “That must be why he’s so hairy,” and the other two laughed.

It would have been nice to yell at someone about his real problems, but Luther still felt pleased.

The conversation had been a success. His friends didn’t suspect a thing.

…

It was a couple more months before Luther decided to leave Vietnam and stop the moon landing. He’d grilled his fellow soldiers on all the information they knew about the time period and the Cold War, and figured his best bet would be going to America and incapacitating every scientist, and then destroying all of their discoveries and telling them to research something else.

It wasn’t hard to get a plane, either. All Luther had to do was sneak into an empty fighter plane when no one was looking, and he could easily shoot off into the sky. Plus, Luther had learned the controls for a spaceship. In comparison, a plane was nothing.

As Luther flew away from Vietnam, he swore that the annoying soldier Dave looked up and made eye contact with him, but he decided not to dwell on the actions of background characters. Dave was probably going to end up dead in the war, anyway. 

“Dave is stupid,” Luther said, very maturely.

Suddenly, a flash of blue illuminated the plane, and Klaus appeared in the seat next to Luther, wearing only a bath towel. “That’s not true!” Klaus was in the middle of protesting.

Luther felt annoyance run through him. This was his mission, and he didn’t need any help. “Shut up,” Luther responded. “Why would you stick up for Dave, when he danced so terribly in the bar that one time? He’s too soft and sensitive.”

“Luther!” Klaus exclaimed weakly, blood running down his chest. Klaus was always so careless and messy. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, but it’s great to see you here! Speaking of which, where is here?” His words were slurred, like he was high, but he was shaking like he was sober.

“You weren’t talking to me about Dave?” Luther asked, sure that Klaus was kidding. Why else would Klaus have spoken? This was why he hated talking to Klaus.

“No, no, I was talking to Ben,” Klaus said airily. “So, where are we?”

“I’m on a mission. I’m flying to the United States to stop the moon landing. How’d you get here?”

Klaus said something about being kidnapped and something about being tortured, but Luther ignored that nonsense. He tuned back in to hear Klaus say, “But anyway, who’s Dave?”

To shut down the conversation, Luther snapped, “He’s the perfect woman for someone as annoying as you, because you’re straight.”

For some reason, that made Klaus laugh really hard. Luther cursed his luck, and as Klaus laughed loudly for the rest of the flight, he even started to wish he was back on the moon.

…

“Stay in the plane while I do my job,” Luther ordered like a good leader when they illegally touched down in the states. 

“Wait a tick, wait a tick,” Klaus said breathlessly, looking a little pathetic in his towel now that he’d stopped laughing. “That’s your briefcase, right?”

Luther clutched it protectively. “Yes, why?”

“No reason,” Klaus said, and Luther was about to leave until Klaus added quietly, “Just wondering where mine went, is all.”

“Yours?” Why would Klaus have a briefcase? Maybe he was just high.

“How else would I have gotten here?” Klaus laughed a little manically.

Worrying that Klaus would end up in another laughing fit, Luther hastily cast around for something to say. “It must have fallen down to land or something.”

“Oh, goodie for whoever finds it, I suppose,” Klaus responded, way too calm for someone admitting that they’d potentially gifted someone with a time machine in 1968.

“Whatever, Klaus, I’m going now,” Luther snapped, mind on the moon but body thankfully not.

“What if Dave finds it?” Klaus giggled. “Go Dave!”

Huffing, Luther climbed out of the plane, muttering about how ridiculous Klaus’ theories were. What were the odds that Dave was going to find the briefcase? Dave was not going to find the briefcase.

….

Meanwhile, in Vietnam:

As Dave had watched Luther fly away, he’d noticed something fall to the ground several yards away, so he went searching.

Dave found a briefcase.

….

Security in the 60’s was apparently nothing, so Luther didn’t even need a disguise or anything. He easily entered the building and just started incapacitating scientists left and right. It helped that the scientists were scrawny and had bigger brains than muscles, because Luther was able to stroll around and take them down. It was kind of relaxing.

When that deed was done, Luther drenched everything in the gasoline that he always carried with him for emergencies. Then he tied up the scientists, who were coming back to consciousness, and brought them outside of the building. 

“Don’t go to the moon,” Luther commanded them.

One brave scientist spoke up. “What’s this about, sir? Why not?”

Luther took out the lighter that he’d stolen from Klaus, and felt very important and wise. “Because. Dad will NOT send me to the moon for four years.”

He dropped the lighter, and the building went up in flames.

The scientists were far away enough that they’d be safe, so Luther started back to the plane. “Don’t try to send anyone to the moon, or I’ll be back. Focus your efforts on livestock, like, uh, mooses or something,” Luther warned, wishing he’d had time to think of a better alternative. It didn’t matter. Mooses worked.

The same scientist from before laughed. “If you’re so against moon landings, why aren’t you stopping Russia’s space program?”

Luther’s legs almost gave out, and his face whitened at almost having made a horrible mistake. 

There was only one thing he could say to that. “Fuck.”

Klaus was sleeping fitfully when Luther returned to the plane.

“We’re going to all the other countries with space programs,” Luther commanded in a loud voice to wake up his useless brother, strapping himself in. “I’m ending everything.”

“Aye, aye, cap’n,” Klaus mumbled, and then he went back to sleep.

It was probably better that way.

…

In the end, it took Luther (and Klaus) exactly four days, four minutes, and four seconds to fly everywhere they needed to sabotage all possible moon landings and to command the scientists to study mooses instead.

Russia’s space station was last, so it was in Russia, looking up at the moon, that Luther prepared to say his final goodbye.

Face to the sky, Luther said, “I’m leaving you.”

Next to him, Klaus, still in his bath towel, crossed his arms. “No, I’ve told you, I’m not staying here, I came by accident. I’m coming home with you.”

“Shut up, Klaus,” Luther snapped. “Stop making everything about you.” Obviously, Luther was talking to the moon. After all that had happened between them, it would be weird if Luther didn’t talk to the moon.

Luther took a deep breath and looked up at his worst enemy once more. “I’m stronger than you. I’ve beaten you. And now, I’ll never have to see you again.”

Klaus laughed. “Ah, you’re talking to the moon.”

Luther glared. “Don’t be dumb, Klaus. That time, I was talking to you. Goodbye.”

With that, he strode over to the briefcase, hoping he could leave fast enough that Klaus would stay behind with the moon.

“Fuck you,” Klaus said, running after Luther and catching up with just enough time to hug his bicep as Luther opened the briefcase.

With a blue flash, they were home, standing in the Hargreeves mansion.

“Is it just me, or does it feel like a litter of new memories was just born in your head?” Klaus groaned.

Luther huffed in annoyance, but for once, Klaus was right. Things felt different, very different. He’d really done it!

As Luther searched his new memories excitedly, realizing he had no memory at all of being on the moon, Diego and Allison entered the room.

“Oh, there you two are,” Allison smiled. “We were wondering where you’d gone.”

Luther didn’t respond, too busy running over the changes that he’d made to his own life, and wondering why there was still a gap of four years that carried with it a sense of nostalgia. It definitely wasn’t the moon, though. Why was Luther suddenly feeling hate for fur and antlers?

“This is no time to be doing nothing,” Five snapped, phasing into the room. “The apocalypse is coming, and soon.”

Familiar anger rose up in Luther. How dare Five assume that Luther’s experience meant nothing? How dare anyone assume that Luther didn’t have it hard?

“You know nothing,” Luther snapped, part of him wondering why he was angry even though his dad hadn’t sent him to the moon in this timeline. A sense of dread rose up as his new memories became clear, and he realized exactly where his hate of the moon had been directed.

“So? What makes you more special than the rest of us?” Diego taunted.

And Luther exploded, throwing Klaus across the room just because he was there.

“DAD SENT ME TO THE MOOSES FOR FOUR YEARS!”

…

A day later, Luther woke up to a flash of blue light while in bed with a furry, and he screamed as Dave appeared in the room, holding a briefcase.

Oh no.

Klaus was going to love this.


End file.
